Being Proud Of Who You Are

There was an article in the Sunday Review of this week's New York Times by Maureen Dowd. I've been down on her in my mind lately because she just seems to be bashing Obama and giving example after example of how weak a leader he's turning out to be. I don't want to read or hear that shit.

In her most recent article, she actually came up with something I was glad to read. The article, titled "Egghead and Blockheads" highlights something that's been bothering me about Republicans specifically for years and people in general my whole life.

Read her opinion piece, it's eye opening if it covers a topic you've never considered before. She points out examples of the most prominent Republicans these days (Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Rick Perry) and how they seem proud of their lack of knowledge about the world around them.

It's mystifying to my why people would prefer not knowing things over knowing things. I've experienced conversations with people where they literally appear in pain when something I've said or asked requests that they really use their brain and think and think hard. They look like their stomachs and backs and brains and hearts hurt.

Signing up to govern people should take you beyond that desire to be a complete idiot. It's your job to think things through. It's your job to care about how stuff affects others. But apparently, it's become preferable to not think. I'm assuming their high poll numbers are only confirming to these idiots that being an idiot is a good thing. Sigh, I only hope a majority of voters can figured out that being an idiot is not preferable over someone who actually likes to think.

While I'm on the subject of my disdain for preferred ignorance, I'd like to talk about all the things that bother me about people.

1. I can't stand it when a person forgets someone else's humanity. People are all people. All of them. Even the ones who don't look like you or talk like you or live like you. I think if more people got this, it's be a lot harder to demonize others and be so xenophobic.

2. I dislike when someone is really unattractive. God didn't bless everyone with perfectly symmetrical, visually appealing features. But everyone has something about their appearance they can play up. Taking good care of your outside tends to reflect on the inside as well. I'm referring to both personality and health. If you look like you haven't bothered to enhance your features or play up your positive attributes, I'm turned off very strongly.

3. I don't like people who have terrible personalities and/or senses of humor. I think that taking yourself seriously is fine, but you have to be able to relax and let your hair down. You don't have to share my sense of humor or sensibility, but you certainly should have some personality to speak of. My memory for unremarkable people is non-existent.

4. I don't like people who are mean. I'm one of the most blunt (bluntest??) people I know and my parents, fiance, and best friends constantly refer to me as an asshole. It's almost become a term of endearment because I don't mince words or shield people from the truth to protect egos or feelings. But I'm not mean. My brother is mean, he does things simply to try and hurt other peoples' feelings, without regard of the destructive (as opposed to constructive) nature of his words/actions. I will never understand that impulse.

5. I really hate when someone isn't self aware. Be your own person! You can't live your own life to please others. You will be very unhappy if you wait until you can't take it anymore and have a mid-life crisis and then finally turn into the real you. Might as well just start today. And know your attributes and flaws. Don't embrace the flaws as if they're attributes, but be aware of who you are so you know who you should be. Just be real!

Okay, that last bit wasn't at all about politics, but I really felt like it needed to be said. To sum this whole post up: care! Please care about the world around you and yourself! And demand that your leaders do the same.

Introducing... A Variety of Blog Topics!

The exclamation mark indicates some sort of fanfare. Yay!!!

I'm pretending that people will actually care enough about my blog to want to know what they're reading about before they read it. In my last post, I came up with the idea to separate out the different things I want to talk about into different memes in the (counter-intuitive) idea that it will make this blog feel more seamless.

These are not in order of importance, they're just in the order that I figured out the jpeg. So, without further ado, my blog topics.

Up first is one that I pretty self-explanatory.

A Love Life Review

This one will be for when I discuss my friends' love lives. Pink means love right? And the word love is pretty damn obvious. Mostly, it's just pretty...

Next is the one of the ones I designed for talking about my life.



All Growed Up

 That's not my hair, but everything else about the clip art just...works. With this meme, I'll be talking about career, finance, grad school, and all the general grown-up stuff that's coming at me full force. It's coming almost as fast as my 30th birthday feels like it's approaching. Okay, I"m being dramatic as 30 is still over 3 years away.

Up next is one I had a lot of fun making.

Living My Life

I may or may not be completely self-centered. Well, 80% self-centered. But I love this one and I'm looking forward to having this jpeg identify when I'm waxing poetic (except I hate poetry) about my life with Easy or my hobbies or my family or whatever else goes on in my personal life.

After I did this one, I figured that could cover all I had to talk about my friends and myself. That left politics and television.



Let's Talk About Politics



On The Small Screen

 So perhaps the phrasing isn't so clever. But I love these and I'm looking forward to having a more clearly defined topic list from which to choose. Coming up with the jpegs helped me further refine what I'm going to talk about. I love movies, but I don't have much to say about them besides whether or not I liked them.

So you can pretty much be guaranteed that if you read my post you'll read about: 1) my personal life, 2) my career and other grown-up topics, 3) my friends' love lives, 4) politics, 5) television. It feels good to have some focus!

Double Dating

So if you read any of my old blogs, you know I'm engaged. You probably have gathered that by now if you're new to this new consolidated blog cause I talk about Easy all the time. I love that man with an undying passion. That will be the how I start I wedding vows. "First of all, I love you with an undying passion." Except it will be said matter-of-factly, not romantically. It will be legend-waitforit-dary.

Image via cheezburger.com

Something new that Easy has brought into my life besides constantly saying things like "undying passion" is the double date. We met at the wedding of his friend to a girl I grew up with. We've been on a couple double dates with them which has been fun. We hang out with a couple down in St. Louis when we're there. Most couples we meet and get along well with have invited us out for a couples' only thing, it's just a matter of finding the time to make it happen. We've even got a double date later today with a friend of his and his girlfriend (who is designing our wedding invitations). I'm hoping we go rock climbing, but we'll see what happens.

I'm surprised that I haven't done more double dating or even hanging out with other couple in a just-couples kind of way before. With the exception of an 18th birthday celebration and prom in high school, most of the time I spent with my significant other and other couples was in a bigger group setting.

There are all sorts of ways a double date could go.

Image via Cartoon Stock

Image via Cartoon Stock

Our double dates have mostly been just hanging out like we would if all our friends were there, but with less concern about PDA. Oh yeah, if you didn't know, the PDA gets pretty serious on a double date.

Image via Cartoon Stock. It's like this but times 2!

If you're going to double date, here are some things you should think about that I've learned in my time double dating:

1. If You're Going To Dinner, Talk About Prices Ahead of Time!
Seriously, Easy and I have been embarrassed to be out with a couple and have them ask 100 times how much something costs. I get that people are on a budget, but we would've chosen a different restaurant if we'd known it was that big of a deal. Also, they were terrible tippers and we can't stand not leaving a tip so we came up out the pocket more than expected to make up for their mess.

2. Plan And End-Time Ahead of Time
There's nothing worse than wearing out your welcome. Oh wait, yes there is. Wearing out your welcome times two! Even if you're hanging out with friends you always hang out with, if it's an official "double date", set an official end time so you don't have to have an awkward, we'd-like-to-have-sex-can-you-leave-now, conversation.

3. Know Your Audience
Don't assume that all your normal date behavior is acceptable on a double date. I know you're on a date with your sweetie, but you have a very captive audience in front of you. Remember not to make jokes they've never heard before that they may find appropriate. You know, stuff about group sex, dead bodies, liposuction, politics, and religion. Typically taboo stuff may ruin someone else's good date and then you become "that weird couple they double dated with once".

4. Don't Assume There Will Be A Second Date
Dating couples is like dating a new person. You have to match personalities and see if there is real compatibility there. I know it sounds crazy, but you have to treat the double date like a real date, it's just your couple dating their couple. Even if these are your best friends and y'all hang out in big groups all the time, don't assume there will be a second double date. Have a conversation about it afterwards that has no pressure. You wouldn't want the fact that you and your SO might not be dating-compatible with your good friends to ruin your friendship outside of activities like rom-coms, brunch, and couples-only camping trips, now would you?

And now, I'm taking a turn in this post. I like to talk about politics, so I will find the thinnest of connections to talk about it here. I'm going to matchup people who I think would make either good or terrible double daters.

Barack & Michelle Obama with Joe & Jill Biden: Good Date Both Jill and Michelle have a background in education/health while Joe and Barack can discuss politics and crack jokes. I think they'd be down for a second date.

Rick & Anita Perry with George W. & Laura Bush: Terrible Date These two camps do not get along! Laura is very active in politics, whereas Anita cares more about nursing. And there's no love between W. and Richard. This date would be terse and un-fun.

Donald & Melania Trump with Todd &a Sarah Palin: Awkward How many people can you put in a room who care so little about making sense before critical mass is reached? I think a double date with these four would find out. They could bond over their general hatred for people who don't get how great they are. But they'd spend a lot of time pretending to understand each other without actually communicating.

Okay, enough faux politics.

Do you double date? What types of couples do you and your significant other spend time around?

Choosing Your Company

There are times when you can choose who you spend time around. That would be your choice of friends, and hopefully, your choice of mate. I feel pretty lucky in this regard. My fiance, Easy, is absolutely amazing and I figure in 50 years I'll still want to choose him like I do today. We'll see.

Image via How To Do Things

There are times when you can't choose your company. You can't choose your family. Well, there is adoption.

Image via Brad Pitt - Information

But usually, you have no say over whether your mother is overbearing or your brother a no-show at family events or your child decides to be a stripper (hopefully not while still an actual under-18-years-old child).

I started thinking about these things while reading the live blogging of the CNN/Tea Party debate that happened last night. Seriously?! CNN and the Tea Party co-hosting the Republican debate? Talk about odd bedfellows.

Image via CNN

I found myself palpably feeling Rick Perry descending from his high regard amongst Tea Party members. It was bound to happen. The man supported Al Gore for president. He was a Democrat for quite a while in his political career. But I know he wished he could be anywhere else than on that stage with all those other Republicans ready to tear him down as the current front runner.

I can't think of any situations right now I'd like to escape from. I like all the company I currently choose/have to spend time around. Lucky me.

Do you like the company you keep? Would you escape from anyone if you could?

Where Were You On 9/11?

With all the news coverage of 9/11, it got me to thinking about 9/11/01. I remember very vividly where I was.

I was in the car with my parents when the morning radio show announced that a plan had hit one of the Twin Towers. I remember thinking that was a crazy plane accident and someone at Boeing was going to lose their job over this. I didn't think much of it though.

I went to my JROTC classroom. Everyone was glued to the television, watching CNN. After about 5 minutes of watching, my perception completely changed. I realized that it wasn't just a really bad plane crash; it was a terrorist attack that was planned and was likely to get worse before it got better. Then the second plane hit. There was talk of more attacks but they didn't know where yet.

My high school was very close to downtown Chicago. My parents both worked downtown, as did many family members of many classmates. We were very scared because of all the unknown unknowns. We sat there and watched in horror as the first tower fell. People who were unable to get through on their cells to family members in New York,Chicago, D.C., and L.A. started to freak out and had to be calmed down. The thought of going to class really wasn't on anyone's minds.

I didn't go to my next class, but I did go to my third class because I knew that teacher would be holding class no matter what was going on. I was correct, he was holding class. In the middle of learning physics, my parents told me downtown was being evacuated and I should gather my things so they could pick me up on the way home. I gladly informed my teacher I was leaving for the day.

There is a bridge that crosses over the street between two of the buildings of my high school. If you stand right in the middle of the bridge facing downtown, you can see all the way to the Willis Sears Tower. I stood there for a moment on my way to get my stuff, imagining what it would be like if something were to happen to that big building in my big city. It was too much to think about, so I quickly moved on to the agreed meeting place for my parents and I.

They picked me up and we grabbed some food on the way home. We spent the rest of the evening watching coverage on all the news channels. We did that every evening for a long time. That video of the cameraman running away from the falling building as the debris and smoke clouds envelope him is forever seared in my memory. I was surprised how accurately I remembered it when it was shown again in 10 year anniversary coverage of that day.

In the years since 9/11, I've been actively trying not to remember the pain of that day. Much like the day my college boyfriend died and the day my great-grandmother died, I try to do things that day that refuse to acknowledge the deep emotions I'd feel if I stopped for even a moment to think.

This year has been different though. In the days leading up to 9/11, I remembered the pain. I felt small bits of hope when people who suffered personally find ways to rise above the ashes. And I found myself fascinated to hear what others were doing in those moments that changed America. What were you doing on 9/11? What have you been doing on 9/11 the last 10 years?

Island Living? Not So Much

If we each lived on our personal own island, living off of coconuts and plantains, I would have no reason for this post. But we don't, so I do have a reason for this post. Here goes.

You know what really grinds my gears?

Image: Family Guy via thetruthaboutcars.com

When people forget the humanity of others. It's not that obscure of a concept when you really think about it. But sometimes folks just forget that everyone else in the world is a person too. We are people with thoughts, desires, hopes, dreams, personalities, brains, and hearts. We all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Others don't deserve to be treated as if their only purpose in this world is to revolve around you!

Image: Solar System via neography.com

I have three examples of this that should really help you get what I mean. 1. Smarmy-looking Ross Douthat's latest Op-Ed in the New York Times. 2. A situation in my own life that happened to Easy Sunday night. 3. A big issue right now in America: gay marriage.

He Chooses Our Image Over Others' Right To Choose The Course Of Their Lives

Image: Ross Douthat via Charlierose.com

Yes, I think Ross Douthat looks smarmy. I've never really liked his photo on his columns. He looks judgemental and like all his food is under-seasoned and he prefers it that way. I must admit that puts me in a mindset to disagree with him before he's even gotten started. The fact that he's a conservative who constantly skews statistics and polls to fit his view doesn't help. But this time, he's taken it too far.

In his latest column, titled "It's Still the 9/11 Era", he talks about how our approach to counter-terrorism since 9/11 has shifted and that it never shifted back. He talks about how there are "moral costs", but what he eventually admits to actually being concerned about is "America's geopolitical position."

But our post-9/11 attempts to transform the Muslim world have cost trillions of dollars and thousands of lives, and won us — well, what? A liberated Iraq that’s more in Iran’s sphere of influence than ours, an Afghan war in which American casualties keep rising, an Arab Spring that threatens to encircle Israel with enemies, a Middle East where our list of reliable allies grows thin ...

He does eventually talk about the long-term benefits of being pro-democracy-- for nine words-- but mostly he's concerned that America isn't prom queen anymore. I didn't realize that stopping our support for dictators who imprison, kill, and torture their citizens who dissent could be a bad thing. Standing by people who can keep oil prices relatively stationary (which hasn't been the case in my lifetime...) at the expense of the safety and upward mobility of millions of people who live in these countries doesn't fit my ideas of how people should be treated.

If You're Not The Headliner, Move Out Of The Way

This past weekend was an amazing one for my fiance, who I call Easy in my blog. He played at both the Chicago Jazz Festival in Grant Park and the African Festival of the Arts in Washington Park on Saturday and Sunday, respectively.

Image: Jazz Fest Logo via Accujazz.com

Image via africanfestivalchicago.com

 I was lucky enough to attend both performances in spite of it being the busiest weekend ever. I only slept a few hours between Friday night and Sunday night, but it was worth it.

On Sunday, at the African Fest, he played with a jazz music big band that was opening up for Mary Mary. I ran into some friends of my mother's and sat with them in the hospitality pavilion. We had a great view of the stage. I was so proud of him when he played his solos on his alto sax during the songs. He sounded amazing! That was a happy moment. But after they only played three songs out of the seven they were supposed to play, they left the stage.

The people who organized the show neglected to get something every big band/orchestra needs to play on stage: music stands. They didn't have them anywhere and eventually they just had to use extra chairs to set up their music. With all the time wasted, they went on stage late. They rushed in the intro, rushed them through their set, and rushed them off stage. They weren't the headliners, and so they were treated as if they weren't important at all. They paid these people money to come play and basically disrespected them with the way they were treated. No one seemed ready to apologize or at least act as if they felt bad for the treatment. Just because they weren't the headliners didn't mean they didn't deserve to be treated with respect. You'd be surprised how long an "I'm sorry" can go.

Born This Way
Unless you've been under a rock, you know the fight for and against gay marriage in America has been on the forefront of discussions is several speres of the media. During that last campaign and this one, it's been a major topic of discussion for religious and civic groups and politicians. Where I stand on the issues doesn't so much matter as my frustration with how the whole issue is being handled by some people making the loudest noise about this.

Nothing makes me angrier than when someone forgets another's humanity. Gay people weren't put on this planet to send the rest of the unlucky bystander heterosexuals to hell for simply living in the same country with them. Neither do they exist simply to make rigid Christian's lives more difficult. Homosexuals, bi-sexuals, and transsexuals/transgender people are just trying to live their lives. It's just that simple.

People who want to debate policy and religion and all that can do so without the insensitive language that denies the inherent truths out there. If you are alive and human, you deserve to be treated as such. Okay, I'm going to get off my soapbox now and leave you with one of my favorite songs out right now.